


Wounds Upon Our Hearts

by ChelleLeigh1917



Category: The White Queen (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-14
Updated: 2013-08-14
Packaged: 2017-12-23 11:22:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/925799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChelleLeigh1917/pseuds/ChelleLeigh1917
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post ep to episode 9. </p><p>Six days, since she'd lain in his arms, felt his comforting presence in the bed next to her. Her sleep was fitful now, not restive at all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wounds Upon Our Hearts

"I will execute Buckingham for ruining my good name and my peace." 

Richard's words regarding Buckingham haunted both her sleep and her waking hours. Six days, it had been six days since she'd made him think she did not believe in him. Oh, she knew he'd not harmed his nephews, she knew that just as well as she knew the sun would come up in the morning. But as for her...no, she did not know. Had her careless words been the cause of it all? This was one fear she could not confess to him. He would never understand, he would hate her for it, he would damn her for it.

Six days, it had been six days since she'd caused that glassy look in his eyes. That haunted her just as much as his words. She wished she could take it all back. She wished she could fix him, fix them, she wanted that so badly. But she wasn't certain how to do it. 

Six days, since she'd lain in his arms, felt his comforting presence in the bed next to her. Her sleep was fitful now, not restive at all. She knew it was taking a toll on her. She only had to look in a mirror to see that. She looked haggard, older than her twenty-seven years. 

What she wanted more than anything was to feel his arms around her, to have him hold her close, whisper in her ear as they fell asleep. He'd not come to her, they'd barely spoken in the last six days. She missed that too. They'd always talked about anything, everything. She knew he would not come to her, no the wound she'd caused was too deep. 

What she did not know was if he would reject her if she went to him? The truth was she was afraid that was exactly what would happen. And that she knew she could not stand. No, if he rejected her, she'd end up a sobbing mess before she could even make it back to her rooms. 

Her rooms, it had been her rooms she'd lain in for six nights. Not his rooms or their rooms. No, she'd lain alone in the Queen's chambers; while he lay alone in the King's chambers. When she saw him, in the Great Hall for dinner mostly, she noticed he looked just as haggard as she; that he pushed the food around on his plate, just as she. Did he notice the same about her? Seven days ago, she would have not questioned it. She would have known he'd notice her haggard appearance, her inability to eat. But six days had passed since they'd really spoken, and right now she truly did not know. 

She knew she would have to be the one to reach out to him. Six days had shown that clearly. But her fear held her back. How could she explain it to him? How could she repair the rift? But just as much as her fear held her back, she knew she had to try. Even if he rejected her, she had to try 

She slipped out of her sleepless bed, and walked down the corridor to the King's chamber. She was more than a little relieved when there were no guards there to block her away. She opened the door to the outer chamber, and slipped inside. Standing there for a few moments, she prayed he would not reject her, then she opened the door to the bedchamber. 

Both the candles and the fire had burned low, and she immediately made out Richard's form on the bed. From this distance she could not tell if he were awake or sleep. He hadn't turned towards the noise of her entrance, but in his present mood that didn't mean anything. She walked over to the bed, and stood there, a little unsure of how to approach him. 

Richard too had been passing sleepless nights for six days, and as he felt her standing near the bed he turned to look at her. He took in her haggard appearance, the exhaustion he could read in her eyes, and knew she was faring no better than he had for the last six days. 

Anne said nothing, unsure of what to say. How to do this? She watched wordlessly as his hand came out, and drew back the covers; inviting her to join him. Slipping off her slippers, and her wrapper she offered up a silent prayer of thanksgiving that he was not rejecting her. As she slipped under the covers, her hand reached out for his just as his reached out for hers. She closed her eyes, as they touched for the first time in six days. After a few moments of hand holding, Richard closed the physical distance between them by pulling her close. 

As his arms closed around her, and she marveled anew at how well they fit together. She vowed she'd never take that for granted again. 

"You've done no better than I" He said hoarsely. 

She shook her head. "No." She snuggled close, not able to resist, just enjoying his warmth, and the hardness of his body after six days. 

For a long while they both lay there saying nothing at all. Both seemed afraid to break the silence. Anne gathered up her courage, and said very softly. "I've wounded you very deeply, and for that I..." She felt his fingers come up and touch her lips. 

"The apology is not needed." He said softly. 

"You are certain?" She said very softly. 

"Yes." He nodded. "What I do need...." He said softly. 

"Anything." She interrupted, and felt him smile at that. 

"The reason why." He said softly. "How could you for even a moment.."

"Fear." She said simply. It was the closest thing to the truth she could tell him. 

"That I would have..." He shook his head. 

"No!" She said immediately, emphatically. "No! Never of you, my love."

"Of what then?" He questioned her. 

She took a deep breath. "I am not certain how to explain it. But to hear that she'd cursed..it sent a cold chill down my spine." 

Richard was quiet for a moment, rubbing soothing circles on her back. As they'd been talking Anne had tensed up. "You've feared Elizabeth for years." He said softly, and felt her nod. She was unable to deny the truth in that "What I've never fully understood is why? Because of Isabel?" He asked softly. 

"Yes, but not in the way you are thinking." 

"Explain it to me." He said softly. He assumed her fear was from her belief that Elizabeth had poisoned Isabel. She'd clung tightly to that belief since Isabel had died. No matter how much he'd tried to reason with her, nothing had shaken that belief. She held on to it, just as both she and his mother held Elizabeth responsible for George's execution. He had his own qualms about Elizabeth's involvement with that. 

"The storm." She said softly. "When Father took us into exile." 

He closed his eyes, gathering her closer. "When she lost her first baby?" He asked softly. 

"Yes." She nodded. "What you don't....Richard, it was only my mother and I aboard that ship." 

"You were with her then?" He asked softly. 

"Yes." She nodded. "And it was..." She voice choked as she replied. 

Richard was quiet, processig all of what that implied. He remembered Anne before she'd gone to France, the innocene which had been lost while she was there. He'd always thought it was lost because of the marriage and the exposure to Margaret d'Anjou, but perhaps it had been the events aboard the ship whih had started her loss of innocence. 

"That would have been the first truly traumatic experience of your life." He said softly, gently stroking her hair. 

"You're right, it was." She said as some of the tension she'd been feeling started to ebb away. 

"I have no doubt George and your father blamed the storm on witchcraft." Feeling Anne's slight nod, he continued. "None of you should have been aboard that ship. Your father and Geoge, yes that was their choice. They chose to rebel." He said softly. "But you, Isabel, and your mother, no you should have stayed In England." 

"Would have changed a lot of things." She said softly. 

He closed his eyes knowing exactly what she meant. "Yes." 

A few moments later, Richard turned his head on the pillow to look at her. "If you and I had been married when Edward and I fled to Burgundy, I would have never thought of taking you into exile with me." 

The vehemence of his words shocked her, and Anne reached up to touch his cheek. "Why?" She asked softly. 

"The journey would have been too dangerous" He said softly. "You would have been safe in England. If you'll remember my mother stayed in England, so did my much older sisters." 

After a moment, she nodded. "That is true." She said softly. 

She lay there quietly for a time as he played with her hair. "You view Elizabeth has having destroyed your family." He said softly, as if it were a sudden realization. 

That caused her to sit up to look at him, the shock was easily read on her face. "I've never thought of that..."

"I don't believe it is a conscious view." He said softly. "But deep inside, you believe everything would have turned out differently if Elizabeth had not come into Edward's life." He said softly. 

"Can you deny the truth of that?" She asked. 

"No." He shook his head. "Your father would have maintained his influence. I dare say Edward would have easily consented to George and Isabel's marriage." 

"Possibly." 

"And ours." He said pointedly. 

She closed her eyes. "Richard..." She said very softly. 

Looking up at her, and seeing the tears that were starting, he quickly drew her back down into his arms. As she snuggled close, he reached out, placing his hand over her heart. "There are scars here." He said softly. "Most of the time, you don't show them, but I know they are there." Rubbing her back as she sniffled, he continued. "You've never had to tell me, I've always known." 

She looked up at him. "What is it that you know?"

He stiffened for a moment, before answering. "You were maltreated." He said very softly. "You lost your innocence."

"We all lose our innocence in life." She said softly. 

"You're right." He said softly. "We do." He turned just a bit, kissing her cheek. He brushed her hair back, and was quiet for a long moment. He shifted on the bed, so he could look straight into her eyes. "When I asked you to marry me, I said that perhaps, I'd always loved you." 

She nodded. "I remember that well." 

"I fell in love with that innocent girl." He said softly. "And I love, adore, and treasure the woman. The one who had been hardened by life. But do you know what I see?" 

"What?" She said softly. 

"The innocent girl." He said softly. "She's still there, deep inside of you, and she comes out when you're most content, and secure." 

"You think so?" She asked. 

"I know so." He said softly. He closed his eyes, he knew that side of her had not come out since they'd gotten the word of Edward's illness. He stroked her hair back. "You believe Elizabeth destroyed the family you were born into, and yes she did play a part in that." 

"But so did my father's choices." 

"Yes." He said softly. "They did. Now you fear she will destroy our family." 

She closed her eyes again. "Yes." She admitted. 

"Don't you know that you are mine." He said softly. "And I always protect what is mine." 

She snuggled into his shoulder. "I know that you said no apology is necessary, but I need to say it. I am sorry, truly sorry." She murmured. 

"I only have to look at your face, and she see the exhaustion in your eyes to know." He stroked her hair back, kissing her forehead. "It is finished, we shall not speak of it again." He said firmly. 

"Very well." She murmured. 

"When we were at Warwick, you said we are strong while standing together. You are correct about that. The last six days have taught me that I cannot do this without us being strong. I need you by my side." 

"You have nothing to fear, my love." She whispered. 

Richard turned towards her, wrapping his arms tightly around her. "I think we'll both sleep better for the rest of the night." 

"Of course." She said softly. 

It wasn't long until his deep, even breaths told Anne that Richard had fallen asleep. She knew that for her it would be much more difficult. Although his words about Buckingham were no longer haunting her, he was right there were scars and wounds upon her heart. She knew she would take the wound that still bled from time to time to her deathbed and never tell him.


End file.
